Thursday, April 25, 2013

My Kickstarter Campaign

Kickstarter is a "crowdmoney" website that provides artists such as myself the means, nay, the obligation, to figuratively walk up to members of their public and say "I want to do something.  Do you have between five and eight thousand dollars?"  The answer, alarmingly, is usually "Yes," so with that in mind I have decided to get in on this.  It's my understanding that people who fund their projects through Kickstarter usually offer incentives, or rewards, to those who donate money, and the greatness of the reward is exactly equal to the amount donated by a particular person.  So my thing right now is, I can't figure out how Kickstarter's website works (I'm currently hung up on the "Learn More" button -- I'm like "Huh??"), but I'd really like to get the money soon, so I'm going to post here what you, my future donors, can expect to receive as a reward.

Project Name:  I Don't Know, Maybe a Book or Something? Details Pending

Donation/Reward Tier Chart:

$10 donation - When I get your money, you will be able to see that the amount of money donated has increased by $10.

$20 donation - Does Kickstarter have a comments section? I'm not that far into it yet so I don't know, but if it does all donors of $20 will get a personal message in the comments section that reads "thx [YOUR NAME]."

$50 donation - Should you and I ever pass each other on the street, I will acknowledge your presence with a single nod of my head.

$100 donation - A letter, written on notebook paper, dictated but not read by me, that will say something to the effect of "If you can afford to donate $100, surely you can afford to donate $150."

$150 donation - A letter, written on notebook paper, dictated but not read by me, that will say something to the effect of "That's more like it."

$300 donation - I will personally come to your home.  You can show me around your town if you want, but I think it would be more fun to just hang out at your place.  Watch some TV.  IMPORTANT:  If you have dogs, they must be locked up for the duration of my visit.  IMPORTANT:  If you have children, don't even bother donating $300.  Donate $500 and spare me the hassle.

$500 donation - I will buy you an Arby's sandwich of your choice, from either the "Roast Beef" or "Turkey Roasters" portion of their menu.  Before you even think of asking me about their Ultimate Angus or Market Fresh sandwiches, maybe first ask yourself if I could just buy any random schmo an Arby's Three Cheese and Bacon Ultimate Angus, why would I even need Kickstarter in the first place. (PLEASE NOTE:  You will need to eat your sandwich on the bus on the way home.  Alone, I might add.  I have a book to write or maybe a movie? The possibilities are endless with your generous donation!)

$1000 donation - You will get to sit next to me for one half hour on three consecutive days (that's a half hour each day!) and watch me create.  Let's say I'm writing a book.  Depending on when you get here, you might see me open up Microsoft Word and contemplate which combination of words I should use to begin my work.  Or if you're there during the middle of the day, I might have chosen to take a break from writing.  I could be watching a movie, I might not even be home.  Should the latter be the case, you will sit by my computer until the half hour is up, and then you will leave.  You are being monitored. (I WILL NOT PROVIDE SNACKS)

$2000 donation - You will be able to have a say on my book or movie's title!  I might ask you, "Well what about On the Eve of April's Dawning?"  And brother, you had better answer "That sounds great!" (SNACKS PROVIDED)

So there you go!  LOOK AT WHAT YOU COULD BE A PART OF!  Remember that rich broad who kept giving James Joyce money?  She won't be shit compared to you!  LET'S KICKSTART THIS MOTHER!


Fabian W. said...


Roderick Heath said...

Yeah, yeah. Like I tell the save the bloody wildlife people when they ring up looking for handouts, all my cash is tied up at the moment, chiefly in other people's bank accounts.

John said...

Obviously this is a worthy cause, and Bill is something of a celebrity in the bloggoworld, so... say no more, really. (That is, apart from "WHERE DO I SIGN?", natch.)

Since I'm a little short of liquidizable assets, myself, these days, and not willing to go out of my way to earn any more, I've decided to set up my own Kickstarter arrangement, to make me the money to contribute to Bill's. With maybe a little left over to fund a few nice meals for myself (or "discretionary contingency spending fees" as it's known in the biz).

Not asking for much, really, just enough to cover the two notebook-sized personally dictated letters should do nicely, to add to my collection. Let's say a goal of, oh, $1250.50, with a little extra to cover administrative costs, bandwidth, postage, and the like.

Please forward all e-dollars to:

Thanks in advance. Should you decide to pitch in a little, too, Bill, it would really mean a lot.

bill r. said...

Rod - Boy, I guess you don't like Arby's very much, DO YOU!?

John - A noble cause. However, I won't be contributing. When it comes to this sort of thing, I'm afraid I'm kind of a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of guy. But good luck anyways.

Bob The Wordless said...

If I had money, I'd give you some since I love your blog.

I tried to do a kickstarter myself, but the cops made me move off the freeway ramp.