Fiction...or FACT??

After watching Incident at Loch Ness over the weekend, I thought I might indulge in one of my favorite hobbies: going on-line and finding pictures of real ghosts and monsters. Sure, the government and probably also NASA tries to keep the proof of the existence of such creatures hidden from the public, but there are scores of ghost and/or Sasquatch hunters out there who struggle every day to get the truth out there (here). They do more before noon than you probably did all last Sunday, you lazy fuckers. So to begin.

Much is made by people who I would label "doubters" or "haters" or even "haterzz" that the entire length and depth of Loch Ness has been searched, and no ghost has ever been found. Well, okay, but what about the Loch Ness Monster??? He's the whole point, you lying idiots! And here he is, even!

And look at him getting ready to eat a fish! That's so cute! Although Nessie is pretty dangerous, too, so be careful the next time you're in Scotland.

The ghosts that aren't being found in the waters of Loch Ness can actually be found everywhere else in the world. All you have to do is look, and be sensitive to their presence, or have mind powers, or have top-of-the-line ghosting technology, like these fellows:

These guys are doing important work, and they're doing it on TV, but the thing I find so admirable about them is that they have day jobs...as plumbers!! For Roto-Rooter, I think. And they've both made it crystal clear that if the ghost hunting money should ever dry up, they'll just go on being plumbers, smooth as you please, because they're just regular joes, like you and me. I bet they'd keep hunting ghosts for free, too, because that's just how they are.

Speaking of which, here's a ghost:

See it? How does NASA think they can keep this stuff from us? It's going to get out there anyway, you stupid astronauts. Maybe if you worked more closely and openly with the public, you would find even more ghosts, and your plan to construct an all-ghost space colony on Saturn will be realized far sooner than you dared hope.

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Also, gnomes are real. For a long time, even I didn't believe gnomes were real, and I believe in unicorns, but lately they've been coming out of the woodwork (probably literally, because they're gnomes, and gnomes live in wood -- cabinets and hutches and trees and so forth). Here's one:

What's interesting about this guy -- who I have named "Simon Leafgood" -- is that he's clearly aware that a Man is nearby, attempting to capture his image in some way, and yet he appears unafraid. Have we infringed on their home so thoroughly that they have become acclimated to us? It's like when you go to a big city, and the squirrels will practically walk right up to you, like "Hey. Is that popcorn? What does ice cream taste like? I'm a squirrel, by the way."

Simon Leafgood certainly seems friendly enough, at least, but I fear that our ruthless industrial spread has angered some in the gnome community, and there may come a time when we will have to atone, or face the rope. Look at this:

That gnome is pissed! If that still doesn't give you a chilling enough picture of our future, then check out this video, from whence the above image came. They're out for blood, people. Human blood. And God knows that NASA isn't going to help us when the gnomes rise up. I don't know who can help us, but presumably, somewhere out there, there's some kind of Chosen One, a teenager probably, who maybe has an amulet he can use. Fingers crossed, anyhow.