On Saturday, the vintage copy of Robert Bloch's The Dead Beat I'd ordered online arrived in the mail. Upon receiving it, I began to flip through it, as you do, and I discovered on the inside front cover I found a second story, one separate from the one about murder and madness that I'd been promised. This one was not written by Bloch -- it was written by a previous owner, in pencil. .
You probably won't be able to read that, so allow me to transcribe it:
From now: exercise
From now: exercise
.
to touch toes - start 10 go to 25 - morn & aft
.
12 days - can go for ride or downstairs movie
.
20 days - exercise squeezing buttocks - 10 times - morn & aft
.
25 days resume normal life
.
30 days resume intercourse if no bleeding
.
40 days see doctor
.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but I probably shouldn't laugh. I do hope things turned out okay.
"30 days resume intercourse if no bleeding"
ReplyDeleteI was going to make some sort of witty comment, and then the stark existential horror of it all overwhelmed me and I just stared off into the middled distance for awhile instead.
It does sort of have that effect. But when I read it out loud to my wife -- after adequately preparing her -- I couldn't finish that line without laughing. Isn't that horrible!? But there's a certain, inadvertant comic timing at play here.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to start putting "resume normal life" on my calendars on random days. Just as a reminder.
ReplyDeleteI got a book in the mail today too. It's City of Saints and Madmen. It better be good, Bill. Heh.
It will be! I promise! If it's not, you can punch me in the stomach!
ReplyDeleteYou just know I'd never travel all that way and track you down just to punch you.
ReplyDeleteUnless, of course, it's REALLY bad.
Oh come on, it's not that far.
ReplyDeleteI actually totally forget where you live. (Or never knew?) And now I guess you better not tell me until you know if I like the book or not.
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, I read the first few pages of it online before ordering it and it seemed really good. Looking forward to starting it, as soon as I get through the pile of comics I'm currently in the middle of.
I don't think that we all need to get freaked out and sad by this...It sounds like a doctor's instructions about how best to recover from having just birthed a baby. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
ReplyDeleteCreeping Bride, I would be so weirdly disappointed if that was the case.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason the cover illustration seems oddly appropriate.
ReplyDeleteAnd the blurb:
"Should leave you glassy-eyed at the end of one breathless reading"--New York Times
Well, they sure got that right.
I always make it to the 29th day and I'm all like, "Yes! Finally!" Then, like clockwork, the bleeding resumes. Every time. God, it's depressing.
ReplyDeletewhat a weird comments to put in a book called phyco goes with the book kind off the comments
ReplyDelete