Thursday, January 29, 2009

As it Happens, I am a Horror Writer

Or "horrorist", which is what I prefer to be called. But however you choose to refer to me and my work, know this: I spend many hours each and every month plumbing the darkest corners of my soul to produce fictions which are a scream of terror at the world which has produced them. "Them" being the screams, which are being screamed at the world, which produced them. It's sort of a Moebius strip of blackness, like society.

My first two novels are finished (the second is the sequel -- or child -- of the first), and are awaiting publication. The only thing left to do is find someone who will publish them. In the meantime, allow me to wet your whistle (with blood, most likely) with the back-cover copy of each of the novels. It might seem odd to have back-cover copy for something that doesn't have a back-cover, so if that bothers you, you can look at them as free-verse advertisements for my work. Do what you want, I don't care.

Four brothers…happy kids who played Army and Indians when they were young in the peaceful town of Waterspring Falls . It was the 1960s when they were kids, so they listened to rock and roll music and protested wars when they got older. They were full of ideals!

Four brothers…each of them has a pretty good life now. One guy is Dale, and he owns a bunch of car selling businesses. Barry is one of those bankers who goes to New York and sells stock. Dominic is a chief of police who has a happy family and a wife and also might run for mayor because everyone likes him and wants him to. Harrison just sold a really funny TV show about a group of love-starved city friends to a TV station.

Four brothers…EACH OF THEM HAS A SECRET! Dale has psychic powers, Barry stole some money from where he worked, Dominic thinks that he’s probably gay, and Harrison knows who really committed all those murders of those kids from a long time ago…and it wasn’t the guy everybody thought did it at the time!
-
Four brothers…WHO DON’T EVEN KNOW THE WORST PART OF THE WHOLE THING! It is a secret that lives under Waterspring Falls (where they all came back to for a kind of reunion)…and it has been waiting…waiting for them! What will these four brothers do when they are attacked by…

THIS
by
Bill R.

* * * * * * * *
Dale Summerson has returned to Waterspring Falls . Probably about ten years ago his three brothers were all killed by an ancient monster they called ‘This’, because whenever they tried to call it by the name it actually had they all choked on horror. They defeated ‘This’, but at what cost?? Anyway, Dale has come home again, almost like it was for the first time ever, because he feels drawn to it. He hasn’t ever gotten over his brothers being killed, even though one of them was a murderer. Dale is still psychic, though, which is something.

But what is waiting for him in Waterspring Falls ?? Strange happenings plague him!

…there is a strange old preacher in town who keeps talking about how the world’s going to explode if people don’t watch out for their souls…

…he finds himself haunted by the ghost of one of his dead brothers (it’s the gay one)…

…townsfolk keep asking him things like “How is Beatrice doing?” Who the hell is Beatrice??...

…also, he’s almost positive there’s a little kid running around town whose eyes glow…

But that doesn’t even begin to cover it! Yes, ‘This’ was killed (they used fire), but so why does the ground still rumble? Why do people still hear that weird cricket-y type noise at night, which isn’t even crickets? And why do the citizens of Waterspring Falls keep disappearing??

What if ‘This’ wasn’t the only one? What if ‘This’ had babies? All of Waterspring Falls is in danger now, because what will they do if they are attacked by…

THESE
by
Bill R.

* * * * * * * *
Can you help but be a different human after reading these books? I wouldn't think so. Let me know how that goes, though, because I'm really curious.



Note: Anyone familiar with the work of the great Garth Marenghi may be tempted to believe I stole this idea from him. I did not. I wrote these a long time ago, before I'd ever heard of him. Anyway, while the basic format is the same, the style is pretty different. Judge for your ownselves if you don't believe me! More importantly, if you've never seen the TV show Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, do so at once. It's six episodes of pure genius.

7 comments:

John Self said...

What about a money-spinning prequel to the first volume, told from another point of view, a la Lawrence Durrell's Alexandria Quartet? (Which comparison will probably get it in front of the Pulitzer committee alone. Kudos and sales! Would you like that, Bill? Would you? Eh? I bet you would.) It could be called THAT.

You can have that one for free.

bill r. said...

Goddamnit...I can't believe I never thought of that (get it?? THAT!?). That is, of course, a spectacularly good idea, which I shall now accept from you, free of charge.

John Self said...

Oh and you forgot to mention that the reason you haven't found a publisher for THEM (omnibus edition) yet is because the books are too original and challenging for the likes of Mr Alfred "A" lily-livered Knopf.

And then to mention other books, which turned out to be really good, that had difficulty finding a publisher to begin with. This is a clever syllogism which enables people to think yours must be really good too. Whatever you do, for heaven's sake don't mention all the novels that never find a publisher because they're too crappy. Hey, you probably don't even know what they are!

But I'm telling you stuff you already know.

bill r. said...

Oh and you forgot to mention that the reason you haven't found a publisher for THEM (omnibus edition) yet is because the books are too original and challenging for the likes of Mr Alfred "A" lily-livered Knopf.

I figured that much was implied by the back-cover copy. After all, you read a lot, John, but can you honestly say you've ever read a novel about four brothers (or four friends, for that matter) who harbor dark secrets and are drawn back to their hometown, only to face supernatural horror of the most bone-crunching and gut-ripping kind? When THIS, THESE and, yes, THAT (a good idea's a good idea) finally find a publisher with the stones big enough to take me on, it will be like when what's-their-faces published Ulysses for the first time. Western literature will be turned on its head!

Jonathan Lapper said...

I'm probably getting myself too excited, but I really hope This is an evil mime and then at the end it turns out he's really a large, as in twenty feet tall large, dung beetle hiding in a cave.

Because...

that...

would...

be...

A W E S O M E ! ! ! ! ! !

Rick Olson said...

"This" looks awesome, but "These" sounds positively derivative. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, exploiting your own work like that.

bill r. said...

Rick, one can't exist without the other! They are two sides of the same terrifying coin, and to act as though THIS was the end of the story of Dale Summerson would be a betrayal. How dare you question my motives!

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